NO-R:
Private Eye
It’s a dark and ruthless city. Criminals are cops and cops are criminals. Both sides never had it so easy. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only thing left in this shithole still fighting for justice and standing up for the vulnerable. Some tell me I’m a fool.
What’s foolish is averting one’s eyes to the treachery all around us. Hits carried out in broad daylight. Dames going missing like socks at the laundromat. Hardly an hour goes by without a scream or a gunshot.
I suppose those who let it carry on are just too afraid to get their hands dirty themselves. Their unbotherdness a shield to protect from the horrors. ‘Who will help us? Who will solve this?’ They think if they dare not say.
Me.
-N01R [Internal Monologue]
Crime Chronical Edition #487
Be Warned!!! There is an unkempt maniac on the loose! This deranged KILLER poses an immediate existential threat to all decent criminality! No one, not even the lowliest jaywalker, is safe from his disheveled appearance and excessive use of lethal force.
Spotted stalking shady alleys, illicit trade boutiques, and otherwise reputable crime fronts, the individual at large is identifiable by being the only self motivated automaton in the city. Dressed in a crumpled outdated suit and oversized trenchcoat, he carries a six shot revolver he uses to enact his twisted sense of right and wrong.
For more on this, we relay an urgent bulletin by the Police Commissioner:
“Those who infringe on the law are recommended to stay inside and refrain from all activities of any weighable moral value. If you must commit crimes please do so in a well organized, reinforced, and heavily armed manner. Solo operations are heavily discouraged until the maniac can be talked down. The rampaging individual has no identified weak-points and is an accurate sharpshooter. Your best course of action is to run away. We will notify the Crime Doers Union representative the moment normal operations may resume. Good luck out there.”
A service is being held Monday for all crooks, cons, and swindlers lost to this senseless wrath of ‘justice’. All who attend are urged to carry easily accessible credit chips or fine jewelry to support local pickpockets during this operational downturn. Standard Black Hat dress code in place for the affair.
We’re all in this together gangs, stay safe.
-President of Crime Doers Union
Don K. Robberbarron